This is quite possibly one of the funniest stories I’ve ever told (and believe me, I have told it to quite a few people). My friend Jessie and I had planned a trip to New York because we got this amazing deal on the flight and hotel for booking them together. Our first night there, we decided to spend the night out on the town just moving from club to club, experiencing nightlife in new york city. Now, this is where it gets interesting: I don’t normally drink beer, I usually just drink mixed drinks (ya know, the kind that sneak up on ya’). Moving on, I had about two or three shots of “purple hooter,” and they tasted so good that I just kept drinking more of them, thinking to myself, these can’t have that much alcohol in them. To say the least, I was wrong!! Jessie and I were both three sheets to the wind by the time we left the bar, and we were hungry, so we decided to start walking rather than take a taxi back to our hotel.
The restaurant that we picked looked nice and unique from the outside, and I can’t remember the exact name (except I know it had “Africa” in the name). So, we decided to try something different. BIG mistake!! Now, granted, I am going to summarize this the best way that I can remember…as I was not “cognizant,” so to speak, at the time. Anyway, I didn’t recognize anything on the menu. I didn’t know any of the names of the food and thus, I had no idea what the food would taste like. So, we asked our waitress to give us a little more time to look over the menu. Well, she gave us time alright; we waited more than 20 minutes!! We kept trying to flag her down or catch her attention but the restaurant was kinda busy, so I eventually stood up and said, “Can we please get some service over here, this is America, and I don’t know how it is over in Africa, but here we like or service quick!” In a conventional state of mind, I never would have said this. Unfortunately, I was drunk and hungry (a very dangerous combination). The waitress gave me the dirtiest look and came over a couple of minutes later to take our order.
I don’t remember what the name of the dish was that Jessie and I ordered, but when it came out to us, it was SPICY. We were both doing everything we could do wash it down with water, but it wasn’t happening! After about 4 or 5 bites, my digestive organs weren’t havin’ it, and I threw up everywhere! Of course, Jessie and I were laughing because we were intoxicated. No one else in the restaurant, including our waitress, seemed to be the least bit amused. Then I heard someone in the restaurant say, “Sometimes people can make total jack-asses out of themselves; I have never seen two people be so rude in my life!” At this point, we decided it was time for us to count our losses and get out of there. We stood up to leave, and wouldn’t you know, I threw up again! Another woman came over (I assume it was the manager) and said, “Get out, get out now! Don’t ever come back here again!” Well, to this I replied, “Well, we’re trying to leave and would have been gone a long time ago if I could keep your crappy food down, the food here SUCKS!” She then leaned in a little closer and said, “If you were my daughter and I was with you right now, I would make you get down on your hands and knees and clean up your own damn puke!” I started to use my typical smart mouth and wanted to say, “Thank god you aren’t my mother then, because you’re even bigger than Aunt Jemima,” but decided that it would be best if I didn’t get my lights punched out while in NYC!
The next morning, we both woke up with severe hangovers, looked at each other, and I said, “Jessie, let’s never get that drunk again when it’s just the two of us…and for the rest of our trip, we’re sticking to McDonald’s and pizza cause we know what those taste like.”
